... You that tried to kill me ...

Why did you try to kill me?

Why did you lie? Was it something I haven’t proved about my love? Why did you lie to me?

Sometimes we can really become aware of a purpose. I’ve been aware for a lifetime purpose that was dead at birth so to say. Did you tried to show me otherwise? Yes, often you did. So why did you lie to me when you said that love was eternal for you if you didn’t knew what you were loving?

Maybe someday I will see you again and then… Will I know who you are? No. You have broken the rest of that light connection I had to the common world living where you stand. You have shown me a way that you have built for yourself but you didn’t finished. You have lied to me in a way that I cannot ever forgive you. Probably you won’t get the slightest buzz over this but… Well, can’t see it all – Can’t be it all – Can’t dream it all – Can’t feel it all – Gone… Forever gone – You – The one who tried to kill me.

Beware… As I have seen from you, there are probably lots of people who go through life in that kind of «fiction-reality» way. Don’t be fooled as I was! Be careful and take your time to see if you really know who your love is. I know that I’m not able to trust easily anymore and I also feel that it will be very difficult to trust people who don’t know who they are – what they want – what they feel… Whatever their life dream is – it really doesn’t matter.

It’s getting harder to find people who really know how to love – I believe it’s the evolution of times applied to love – How can love have an evolution? Love just is. People aren’t anymore… Our world is falling apart because of it! People just aren’t anymore – When will you start loving again? ... Not in your dreams but in a true reality that doesn’t fade – just is.

Now I know I was right when I had doubts… They were probably the only thing that was real apart from my love…

You’ve just killed me and you haven’t noticed it – Enough to say you have never loved me. And now I’ll be forever in love with a dream that never existed but was born in your mind. Your mind went down - so went your dream - so went your love – goodbye …

...

Another day ...

I’m disappointed ... Truly disappointed with the way people nowadays love! See… It seems to me, by my own experience, that ‘love’ is understood, measured and labelled. This way you’re always in control of what happens in your ‘love’! Love shouldn’t fit the mind - only the heart. That is probably the biggest problem in nowadays youngsters (there are always exceptions - fortunately)!

Let us put it in other terms! For me love is eternal – this is – from the moment I start loving something – whatever it may be – I never stop loving it. Why? … Because my love comes from my heart and I can’t control my heart, I can’t tell him – ‘stop that love!’ – And my heart is and forever will be truthful to those things I love. Never, not even once, I’ve stopped loving something. Only more - not less – Why? … Because I’m faithful to what I believe in – I’ve got principles and I don’t ‘love’ with my mind – only (and all that is truthful) with my heart. Still we could say that our heart could change! Only for those who don’t know who they are – therefore someone who changes constantly to the waves of mankind and present life! It really leaves me in pain to know that people nowadays can’t really love without something else that they can only conceive with their reasoning (never knew that love had a reason or logic)! Still, and unfortunately, I’ve been led to reason my ‘love’! I’ve been led to think about it in nowadays terms – I’ve got the experience – Probably is my most painful experience ever – I did loose my self at some point – I couldn’t understand it!

I know now that I can’t trust most of those I already love. Only my parents, my brothers, some of my friends and whoever is true to a way in life – whatever this way is, if it’s from the heart it will forever be the same – maybe grow bigger throughout the years. Others seem to be in a never ending rollercoaster that is moved by convenience and reasoning which leads us into a false sense of ‘love’ – If you know what it is to love something, if you can explain it then, maybe, you don’t know what love is – ‘think about it’…

Another day … Another way to ‘love’ …

Remember ...

Remember a day before today...
A day when we were young...

One of the main differences between a child and an adult is that, most of the times, adults loose the ability to dream and imagine with «out of context» realities. When we are young even the slightest thing can make us wonder for hours - most of the times, as I remember, we can really bring to life other realities and worlds at our own choice and pleasure. I remember, for example, my flights over my house, onto the clouds and back - I could even see my body stand in that place where I had left it (still not sure if I wasn't having «out-of-the-body» experiences) ! I really was (still am) a big dreamer - Still I notice a big difference - Now I can't dispose the aggregated reality that is being built into my self! The same old problems of human conception.

Thinking about human conception... Rather not! I still have a big problem handling all the unfortunate human reasoning’s that have been brought to life throughout the years.

I’ve seen the map of what will the world look like in less than a hundred years from now – It is incredible how the world will change and how the rate of its changes is becoming bigger – therefore faster – therefore less controllable – therefore… !! We will have some rough years adapting ourselves to the changes. Unfortunately it is too late to try and minimise the effects of such a change! We’ll just have to take it in the bones. I’ll be living in the coast in about 30 years from now – that will be fun! Some cities will disappear...

In the end all of it will be resumed to one conclusion – human misconception.

Still wondering why I love to go back to the childish nature in me? Don’t … It’s very easy to understand. When a child I can, at least, let go of my own nature and then I can dream with a better place.

...

I'm going to put an end to this mess today ...
I'm going to consume something to awake me ...

I've seen my starful nights become my days ...
I've been a sleep for to long anyway ...

And now I see God in almost everything else ...
An inner god that leds us to love ourselfs ! ...


I can now dream of becoming a bit less selfish and then let my self be a litle better. As nature calls me again I believe that we are losing touch with natures reality ... Someday we'll have to go back and seek natures ways ! An then ...

... Some one find out ...

NEWS : The arctic region of the earth globe is warming twice as fast as the global warming factor around the rest of the world ! This means that propbably I'll be living at seashore in about thirty to fourty years from now - if I get there !! A group of scientists are going to have a big reunion this week to try and evaluate how much time till the total desapearance of the arctic ice ! About a hundred years from now are nowadays expectances ! We still can make a difference if we act now ! Maybe bringing down the USA and their polution hazard policie - If they have one - They don't ... Well the americans realy proved them selfs to be the smartest people on earth - almost 50% of all world polution is generated inside the bounds of the USA so ... They just reelected the one that is almost killing the rest of what's beautiful and they still care about personal health !! Go figure !? ...

Can't say anything else for now ... Just to angry with the americans and the global lack of a global conscience ...

... And then ...

Well ... I'm not here to indulge my self with any kind of pity. I’m here to talk to you about what my thoughts are when I wake up. These thoughts, although I’ve been having them since I was a really small child, have been haunting me with a greater strength in the last five or six years! I don’t believe that anyone ever had the courage (lets call it that) to try and help me in order to overcome them. Now you think – ‘What are these thoughts?’ - … ! Well … This never leaves me very happy so – Here it goes – I … think … about … travelling to a very different place from were we can say we’re living human beings – This is – I think about what are the chances to leave this human existence and this human impregnated world – WHY – because I don’t like it – Mostly in the mornings, when I’m most sober, I hate the kind of animals we’ve became and wish I wasn’t one of us. And I feel I have to carry this weight for an eternity until it falls asleep again! Each and every morning – A few months back, and during some time, I had some mornings that made me feel otherwise – I felt like there was no world – It was like I was really out of here and didn’t had the need to come back – It was so good. Unfortunately, due to our human nature also, it couldn’t be anymore – So now I’m on a roll! It will be one year in the next days that I lost the last breath of this connection that made me feel good in this world whatever the circumstances were. Now – can’t see why – or maybe can – I’m no longer in love with this human life! Not enough to keep on dreaming and feeling that I have some kind of purpose in this insane world. Most people don’t know how it is to wake up every morning wishing to be «dead» - I used to think that was a good thing – Nowadays I believe that we don’t think much on anything apart from what we already have invented – Still reinventing ourselves … I can’t reinvent my principles and they aren’t applicable anymore! – Got to throw them out some way … Eheheh … ! … I can hate my self when I realise that I belong to the only species in this world that has for standalone adversary its own species.

We should be a little bit smarter by now.

I can see why I wake up for a nightmare … Still I know that there are things that could make me forget this nightmare – Should I ? … Not for me to decide …